MAYBE IT'S LIKE THERAPY

Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's the lack of employment. Maybe it's both of them combined with the case of the blues I've been having. In any event, I haven't really felt much like posting lately. I know that one reason I am reluctant to post is that I am censoring myself, which I know is ridiculous since I think my boyfriend is the only person who reads this blog. However, that old demon, "What will people think of me," plays a part in my resistance to sitting at my laptop and "preaching."
It's that stubborn streak of perfectionism which keeps me thinking that whatever I publish here should be ready for standard publication and that I should only post when I have something deep and meaningful to say. How ridiculous is that? It's my blog and I can write about whatever I want. Who knows? Maybe if I just spew forth everything bubbling inside me I will start to feel better and more productive.
Maybe blogging is like therapy. It takes a few sessions to get comfortable. Then you start to test the waters and see what kind of reaction you will receive. Then you begin to put things out there to test the rejection factor. And finally, when you realize that there is nothing you could possibly say that would shock or surprise, you begin to be honest and share yourself. Maybe I am just beginning to get comfortable.
(Random thought: The Supreme Court justice trick worked for the "W" gang. Rove is no longer front page fodder.)
My recent relocation has brought to the surface "issues" I had buried. There is so much money and entitlement around me these days that as an adult who has returned to college full-time and is struggling to make ends meet I almost can't help but to feel "less than." I suppose my anxiety is further fueled by the fact that the career I planned to pursue with this return to college no longer seems as desirable. I thought by the time I was this old I would have a lot more figured out in this world. UGH!